Force Field

The past few days I've been letting the kids type on the the computer.  It started when Chicken asked if he could write "I love you Mom" one day while I was typing something.  Of course I said yes, how could you deny such a  request?  I'll type up the sentence they want, and they copy it underneath.  Chickens sentences are always more or less the same despite my attempts to branch out--he requests slight variations like "I love you Mommy", "I love you Ma Ma Ma", and his personal favorite, " I love you Mommy-choo".  Edee will let me use her school "sight words" in sentences.

I had set it up for Edee and Chicken to take turns typing then walked into the kitchen.

Edee:  Uh, Mom!  We need help, Chicken did something to da word.
Me:  Okay, coming.  What happened?
Edee:  Well, someting happened dat like, a blue kind of force field went around da word.
Me:  Ha...what?  A force field?  That means it's "high-lighted".
Edee:  Yeah he high-lighted a word.

Awesome, I will never view high-lighting the same.

Real Life

It's over a week past the 2016 presidential elections.  This morning, at 5:00 am, both Chicken and I are laying on the couch, sick, still trying to fully wake up.  I don't think I've said a word yet, just sitting in a daze.

Out of the blue:

Chicken:  Mom...are Hillaly Clinton and Donald Twump weal life?
Me: Wha.....Huh??
Chicken:  Are Hillaly Clinton and Donald Twump weal life.
Me:  Uh yeah...they are in real life.  (Unfortunately, I add to myself).
Chicken:  Do dey go to church?
Me:  Um....uh, well,  yeah I think they might sometimes....why?
Chicken:  I don't tink dey do.
Me:  You don't? How come?
Chicken:  Because dey are being mean! Dey don't know about Jesus.  If dey did knowed about Jesus dey would be nicer and wouldn't be so mean.
Me: Well....You have a valid point there, buddy.

From the mouths of babes. The things that mull around in these little minds!!

*note: I didn't know the four-year-old had a clue about any of this madness.  The only conversation Daddy and I had about any of this around the kids was over a week ago, after Edee (the-five-year-old) had come home from school after election day upset about the results (I also had no idea they talk politics in kindergarten. They sure do, rather intensely if you ask me.  Eyes opened; and so much for keeping my kids ignorant of such things so young)!

Broth

Me:  Chicken, finish up your soup.
Chicken:  I only like the soup part.  Not the vegetables and udder fings.
Me:  You don't like the kale?
Chicken:  Or dese udder fings either.  Only the soup.
Daddy:  I hate to break it to you...but all the sausage and vegetables are part of the soup Chicken.
Me:  So you're trying to say you only like the broth, Chicken.
Chicken:  Yeah I only like the bra (slurping up his broth).
--sidelong glance between Me and Daddy---
Edee: CHICKEN SAID HE LIKES THE BRA!!!
Me:  Brothhhhhh, Chicken.

You can't be too careful with words such as these.

Cemetery

We drove down to Cape Cod this weekend for a Cranberry Harvest Celebration.  As we approached our destination, we passed through a cemetery--a very New England-styled one; with old headstones surrounding us on either side; and tall, beautiful trees, dropping their leaves in a variety of colors.

Just as I was thinking to myself how utterly lovely it all was, I hear from the backseat from four-year-old Chicken in a quiet, slightly disgusted, matter-of-fact voice:

"Oh yuck, some people died."

Daddy and I both burst into laughter.  Edee and Chicken thought our reactions were pretty great so they joined in too.

Death itself really isn't a humorous thing to me.  But his perception of it in that moment was.

Alexa

We got an Amazon Echo a few months back.  "Alexa", as it's called, has become a handy and well-used addition to our family.  Fortunately, it doesn't recognize the kids' attempts to use it, or else we'd be listening to lame jokes and the song "Everything is Awesome" all day, every day.

As I'm making breakfast this morning, still slightly groggy.

Me:  Alexa--how many tablespoons in a quarter cup?
Alexa: There are 4 tablespoons in a quarter cup.
Me: Thanks.
Edee:  Mom--why did you say "thanks" to Alexa?  She's a robot!
Me:  I know....I said it because... I want to be a good example to you guys in using my manners....
(maybe slightly true, maybe I was mostly just tired...)
Edee:  Mom, you do not need to say dat to a robot.  She's not even that helpful!!
Me:  Yes she is, she helps us all the time.
Edee:  Remember? She doesn't even know anything about kiwis or where dey are from.
Me:  Alexa--where do kiwi fruit grow?
Alexa:  Sorry, I can't find the answer to the question.
Edee:  She doesn't even know where strawberries grow.
Me:  Alexa--what are strawberries?
Alexa:  Fraganaria times ananassa, a fraganaria species of plant.
Me:  See?
Edee:  Yeah, but she doesn't know where dey are from!
Me:  But.....okay, Alexa--where are strawberries from...
Alexa:  Sorry, I can't find the answer to the question.
Edee:   See?  She doesn't really even know dat much!!!

I was too tired and groggy to argue.  Silly me for thinking thanking a robot would make any type of impact.  Alexa and I were both proved to be fools.

John Henry

Chicken has begun this obsession with John Henry ever since seeing the Disney short video about him.

Chicken:  John Henry is a mighty man!  He is the strongest man in the world and no one else is as strong as him, not even Daddy.  John Henry is dust SO COOL!
Edee:  Ugh, not me, I don't like John Henry.
Chicken: Only boys like John Henry.  And girls with short hair.
Edee: Yes, but only girls with weally short hair.  It has to be weally short, and dey have to like, like things like vehicles and cars and stuff--
Chicken:  I like dose! I do! And rocket ships!  I weally, weally want to go on a rocket ship so bad. But I'm too scared to go into outer space, it's so so scary!  I don't want to go....
Edee:  You can't go, you have to be an adult to go to outer space.  Or a teenager!
Chicken:  I DO weally want to go into outer space.  I want to go TODAY, right now!

Did I mention we were in the car?   I'm just the driver here.  Please don't hold me responsible for their apparent stereotype about girls with short hair....I really don't know.

Apology

Chicken had a little friend over for the morning yesterday.  They were playing on the upper level when I hear yelled down from the top of the stairway:

Chicken: Mom!!  Becca wants to watch a show!
Me:  Becca wants to watch a show?  Or you want to watch a show...?
Chicken: Becca said it!
Me:  Okay, well no shows, okay?  It's time to play and I'm sure she's happy to play with you.
Chicken:  But Mom!  She weally wants to!!
Me:  No...maybe her mommy will let her watch shows when she's home.
Chicken:  But...
Me:  I already gave my answer.  Go play, please.
Chicken (to Becca):  Ugh.  I don't know why she is being like dis today.  Sorry Becca!!

The fact that he felt he had to so sincerely apologize for my behavior....killed me!  I had a glimpse of what it feels like to be on the other end of those kinds of comments.

Girlfriend

Exactly one month into kindergarten.....and we're already at this.

Edee:  Christopher told me I'm his girlfriend.
Me:  He did!?
Edee:  Yeah.

Oh my.

Later at dinner:

Me:  Are you going to tell Daddy what you told me about Christopher?
Edee (with a timid smile):  Well...uh...um.....I....uh....I.....I....uh....um....I don't want to say it.
Daddy:  How come?
Edee:  I don't fink he'll like it berry much.
Daddy:  What won't I like?
Me: Just tell him.  Daddy wants to know too.
Edee:  (more sputtering and stuttering)
Me:  Do you want me to tell him?
Edee:  (nods)
Me: Christopher told her that she was his girlfriend.
Edee:  (shrinking in her seat).
Daddy:  Oh....what did you say?
Edee:  I didn't weally say anything, but I thought, "Hey!  I'm not old enough to be a girlfriend!!"
Daddy:  Oh yeah? That's okay. How come you didn't say it?
Edee:  Because I thought maybe he wouldn't like it or want to be my friend anymore.
Daddy:  That's okay.  It sounds like you're being a good friend.  Thanks for telling me about it.

And it's only just begun.

Too Tired

Me:  Chicken, go take your toys upstairs.  Get your teeth brushed while you're up there.
Chicken: (whiny noises)
Daddy:  Chicken.  Go now.
Chicken:  I'm too tired to go upstairs.
Me:  Okay, since you're too tired you better run some laps up and down the stairs.
Chicken:  OKAY!!!

He jumps up and starts to run up the stairs.

Daddy:  What the what just happened? How did you do that?
Me:  I dunno.  Hey Chicken, on your next lap up,  take your toy with you and put it away.
Chicken:  Okay!!

He zooms off.  The next lap I ask to him to brush his teeth while up there and he complies.

One point parenting.

Groovy

Chicken:  Mom!  I don't like dis song!  Dis song is boring.

Me:  Just wait a bit. It picks up and gets better, Bud.  I think you'll like it.

Edee:  Mom you were right!  Dis song does get better.  I like dis song!

Me:  Daddy and I like it too.  

Edee:  Yeah, it's pretty groovy!!

Me: Ha ha ha.....I guess it is....

Edee:  What is dis song called?

Me:  American Pie

Edee:  Why is it called American Pie?  Why is pie American?

Me:  Well....pie is just considered an American thing.  It's a dessert our country is known for.  Other countries have other foods that they are known for.

Edee:  But why is it American?

Me:  Well...people have made it for a long time. Like as long ago as the Pioneers.

Edee:  So Mom, why are they called Pioneers?

Me: I don't know why.  Pioneer means the first people to do something....

Edee:  Maybe it's because they made pie?  Dere is "pie" in da name.  Pie-a-neers.  Pie-aneers. 

Me:  Ha, well....I don't think that's exactly why.  But good observation.

Whenever I hear American Pie I automatically have memories of driving down to the boardwalk in Virginia Beach with Jeff on a hot day--singing along with the windows down and then walking down the boardwalk a few minutes later to hear a live band playing the same song.  Now whenever I hear it, I'll also be thinking about Edee and the Pioneers. 

Birthday Suit

Just making sure I have this on the blog for posterity.  Or for future wedding reception stories.  Or black mail.

I'm cooking at the stove-top this morning when suddenly a buck-naked little boy runs into the kitchen. He proclaims (while giggling): "I'm in my birthday suit Mom!!" and runs out just as quickly as he ran in. I hear him yelling up the stairs (all the while still giggling): "I did it, Dad!!"

Yes, it was Chicken's 4th birthday that day; and yes, he's growing up to be more and more like his father.

Sore

I picked up Chicken from Joy School.

As he's getting into the car:

Me: Come on Chicken, let's get going.  Get buckled in, please.
Chicken:  Uuuuuhhhh.  I'm so sore!
Me:  You're sore?  From what?
Chicken:  From all that learning!!!

Hee hee.

Old

Edee will have her first day of kindergarten in a few days.  It's kind of a HUGE deal! First child going to school!!  We went to her orientation this past week and it went well.  She went from being mostly nervous and only a little excited, to "excited as big as da whole house!!"

After the orientation, at a friends' house:

Edee: I didn't know dat my teacher would be so young!
Me:  She was so young! (turning and talking to my friend) It made me feel pretty old!  She's definitely in her early twenties.  Long blond hair, very chic....
Edee:  Yeah mom, you are pretty old! She was, like, in her twenties and you are like, in your sixties or seventies or some-ting....
Me:  Wow.  No.  Let's get this straight.  I am in my early THIRTIES.  You have grandparents that aren't even in their sixties and seventies.

Thank you for that, Edee. I think I'm just going to go dab on a little wrinkle cream right now.

Bum

We're in the car.  I hear some reference to the word "butt" as the kids are yammering in the back.

Me:  Hey.  Let's not say that word, it's not a nice-sounding word coming from your little mouths.  You can say "bum" instead.
Edee:  Okay, you are a BUM, Chicken!
Me:  Hey wait, don't say that!
Edee:  But you said it was okay, Mom!!
Me:  No no no.  Name-calling is never okay.  Name-calling is saying something that can hurt someone's feelings or make them feel sad.  I meant if you were referring to the body part, you should say "bum"!
Chicken:  But I'm okay with that!
Me:  You're okay with being called a bum!?
Chicken:  Yeah! It doesn't make me sad!
Edee:  Yeah!  It's not name-calling, he's not sad!  You're a stinky bum, Chicken!
Me:  Edee!
Chicken:  Ha ha, I'm okay with being a stinky bum!!! I'm not sad!
Edee:  Ha, ha, ha, Big Poopy Bum!
Me:  Edee....seriously...
Chicken:  But Mom, I'm okay with that!!  It's okay, Mom.  I'm a Big Poopy Bum!! HA HA HA!

I lose.  I just....lose.

Appaloosa

We are talking about horses on the way to the Little Buckaroo Rodeo. Edee was in a sheep-riding event; Chicken in a stick-pony race.  Both were in the chicken-scramble and we rode home with two chickens in the car.

Me:  My favorite horse is an Appaloosa
Edee:  What's dat?
Me:  It's a horse that is spotted. I like the ones that have a splash of white on their lower backs and spots on it.
Chicken:  I want to see an Apple-Paloosa!!

I just loved how he kept calling it that :)

Millipede

Me:  Chicken...don't touch that.  It's bird poop.
Chicken:  Why?  How do you know dat?
Me:  Can you just trust me on this one? (Then going for distraction) Hey, look, a millipede.
Chicken:  A penelopede!
Me:  Oh....here we go again.  MMMM.  Millipede
Chicken:  Manilapede!

Sometimes you just have to give up and admit defeat.  This isn't the first time I've tried to wean them off saying "penelopede" for millipede.  The struggle is real.

Blimps and Blobs

Chicken and I have been dropping Edee off at a local community Bible Day Camp.  On the way upstairs to her classroom there's a picture of a blimp.  The first day Chicken asked me what it was, and I responded that it was a blimp.

The next day as we passed by, he yells out, "LOOK!  THE PLUMP!!  THE PLUMP, MOM!!".  I had to chuckle before I could correct him.  "Blimp, Chicken."

Day three:  "MOM! I SEE THE PLIMP!!" (Just glad he kept that L in there, at least).

By day four he finally got there and yelled out "BLIMP!".  And he's been so excited about blimps since.  It's so fun learning new words for new things, even though new words are becoming fewer and farther between at this stage.

And then there's yesterday, and another new B word.  Poor buddy was dragged through every aisle and corner of Target with me.  I went there because I had THREE things on my list: toliet paper, deodorant, milk.  That's it.  Then somehow I managed to leave with $200 worth of stuff that I forgot I needed....don't ask me how that happens.

One of those things I happened to forget I needed was a new bra (this one was a legit need.  I mean, all of them were legit, of course).

Chicken:  Mommy, what are all dese fings?
Me:  Bras.
Chicken:  OOOh.  What are dey for?
Me: (distractedly) They...are for me to wear....okay, I got it.  Let's go this way.
Chicken:  HEY MOM!  MOM!  Look!! Dese ones!  I fink you should get these blobs!
Me: (backing up slowly from the cart) ....What...?
Chicken:  Do you want dese blobs?

He's poking a box of strap-less, back-less, adhesive bra-like (ish) cups, with a picture of chesty woman modeling on front.  I took me a minute to realize that he was trying to say "bra" (especially because I could see how the word "blob" would apply in this particular instance....).

Me: Oh....no.  Nope, I don't want those ones (I didn't even try to correct his word choice). Thanks though. Let's go.
Chicken (loudly):  I like dese ones!   Dese blobs are squeaky!

He's still poking the box, smack center on the picture of that chesty model, as the box squeaks back and forth on the plastic shelving unit it's stuck in.  I'm looking around to make sure we aren't causing a scene.

Me:  Okay, okay...Chicken.  All done.  We're all done here.  Let's go, please.
Chicken:  Okay mom.  You got your blobs?
Me:  Oh Chicken. Yes, I got them. You are just too funny.  You don't even know how funny you are!
Chicken:  Yes I do, Mom!  I do know dat I'm funny! I know dat I am!

I still stand by my statement that he doesn't  know how funny he is :)

Pretend

Edee and Chicken have been sick lately, so I've pulled out some toys that they haven't played with in awhile to help pass the time.  My kids are not big into playing with toys, and sometimes it takes a lot of direction from me to help warm them up.  I have used the word "pretend" a lot while doing so, apparently.  They finally caught the fire and started playing strong together for close to two hours without my intervention (which is amaaaazing).

The funny thing is that before every statement they make while playing, they have to clarify it's "pretend".  So I hear things like this for the entire duration of their imaginative play:

Chicken:  Pah-ten da dragon goin' BLOW da fire ALL over da place.
Edee:  Pah-ten da fairies use dere magic wands to stop da fire!
Chicken:  Pah-ten da kids need some-ting to ride on to get away.
Edee:  Pah-ten the pegasus flies over da hill!
Chicken:  Pah-ten da dragon STOPS dem!!!
Edee:  Pah-ten dey still get away by doin' dis!
Chicken: Pah-ten da dragon stops dem a-gain!
Edee:  Pah-ten dey all go over here.  Pah-tend da mom marries da knight!  She'd been dreaming about him.                                                                 (this one was my favorite).

And so on...and on....vocalizing every action while they are doing it.  I'm just glad they have somewhat figured out the art of pretending.  Progress.  Happy, entertained kids, happy, content mom.

Literally

Chicken has been taking things I say a little too literally lately.

Me:  Okay.  I think I'll just run to the store then.  Daddy will stay home with you guys.
Chicken:  Run?  How can you run to da shtore?
Me:  I'm going to the store.
Chicken:  Why not drive in da car? Why are you runnin'?
Me:  ....Oh, I am taking the car....run...it's a figure of speech...I'm not really running!

Less than 20 minutes late  (although we have had this same conversation more than once).

Me:  I'm going to jump in the shower then so I can get going.
Chicken:  JUMP!?  Don't jump in da shower!
Me:  It just means I'm going to hurry, Chicken.  It's not safe to jump up and down in the shower....

It's funny how often you don't really think much about what you're saying until your three-year-old comments on it.

Blueberries and Peels

We were outside by the grapevine-covered trellis in our backyard.

Chicken:  Mom, when are the blueberries going to grow on our grapevine?
Me:  Blueberries?
Chicken: Yeah.
Me:  Blueberries, Chicken? On the grapevine?
Chicken:  Yeah, when are dey going to grow?
Me: Chicken, is this a grapevine?
Chicken:  Yeah Mom, I know dat,   When are the blueberries coming on it?

Then today.

Me:  What do you want for breakfast Chicken?  Toast with honey?
Chicken:  Yeah toast and honey but wit NO peel.
Me:  You mean crust?
Chicken: Yeah...but I like to call it a peel.  No peel, please.
Me:  Alright silly boy....  (He's never called it a peel before).

Silly boy he is.  Love him!

Know Everything

Edee, Chicken, and I are gathered around the counter cutting up fruit for lunch.  We just came inside after finishing up our last day of Joy School for the year.  The windows are open and it's a beautiful, warm, slightly breezy day.  I feel content and happy chatting with these sweet little children of mine, and I'm contemplating all the things I should teach them over the summer.

Edee:  Mom, James doesn't like to hurt nature, but food is nature!
Me:  Mmm hmmm.
Edee:  Food is nature, right?
Me:  Food comes from nature, right.  For the most part.....
Edee:  Yeah like da fruit is from plants, and meat is animals.
Me:  Right.
Edee:  Yeah.  James doesn't know everything.
Me:  No he doesn't.  You don't know everything either.  No one does, except for--
Edee:  Except for Sci Show.  Sci Show knows everything.
Me: ....No.... Sci Show teaches a lot about science, but it doesn't know everything.
Edee:  But science IS everything.

I was going to say "except for God", before I was interrupted.  It appears I don't have a born believer on my hands.....

Me:  Science is not everything, my dear--
Chicken:  We are not deers, Mommy!!  We are not deers.
Me:  (ignoring him)
Chicken:  MOM!  We are not deers!!
Me: (ignoring him still)
Chicken: MOOOMMMM!  WE. ARE. NOT. DEERS.
Me:  Okay Chicken.  Okay.

Interrupted (again) to be corrected by their extensive understanding of things.  My little dream of teaching them all these wonderful things this summer just got squashed a little.  I guess I need to teach them some humility first.

Honey

Chicken:  Where did you get dat?
Me:  Get what?  The honey?
Chicken:  Yeah.  Did dat honey come from bees?
Me:  Yeah.
Chicken:  WHY DID YOU DO DAT?
Me:  Do what?
Chicken:  WHY DID YOU STEAL DAT HONEY FROM DA BEES?
Me: (excuse me!!) I didn't steal it from any bees!
Chicken: Den how did you get it??
Me:  Someone else took it from the bees.
Chicken (to Edee):  Someone else STOLE honey from the bees!!!

Man, he almost has me feeling bad about buying the honey.

Church

We've had such a lazy afternoon today following a busy, fun weekend.  I have been posting photos to our family blog when Edee and Chicken came up and asked if I would read them "funny blog stories".  I realized it's been months since I've posted here, and many of their funny sayings and doings have now been lost in my bad-memory oblivion.

I do remember a recent occurrence though worth recording, from my dear Chicken.

We are at church two weekends ago, after another fun, very busy weekend.  Feeling exhausted and restless, I was also super irritable from being suffocated by my grumpy, clamoring children, who felt a need to be climbing on me simultaneously and whining about everything.

During the most quiet part of the meeting, after sending Edee out with Daddy once and snapping at both of them lots of times, Chicken begins to crawl on my lap...again.  My threshold of patience was so thin at this point that if anyone so much as touched me I was worried I might explode.  I held my breath as his knee caps grinded into the tops of my thighs and his little hands reached out to grab both of my ears.  Then he leaned forward and quietly whispered in his little voice of his...

"You put da lime in da coconut, da lime in da coconut..."

Okay, how could anyone NOT laugh at that?  It helped clear the air a little bit--thank goodness--if he would have whined about a snack one more time I would have had to leave the room. How I love these goofy, albeit CrAzY, drive-me-cRaZy children of mine!!

Servant

Edee:  I LOVE Grammy Pam's applesauce!  Last time at her house I ate four helpings!
Chicken:  No, you had four servants!
Edee:  No Chicken, it's called a "helping", not a servant!
Chicken:  No, dey are called servants, Edee!
Me:  Edee, it can be called a helping or a serving.  Chicken is trying to say a "serving".  Both are correct.   You're right that he's wrong....but he's still right....or whatever.

You know what I mean, right?

Twitterpated

The sun is streaming in through the windows on a lovely, Spring-like morning.

Chicken:  Mom!  A deer!  Baby deer!
Me:  Oh look, two deer!

We all rush to the window to look at the deer across the street.

Edee:  Dey are not baby deer....dat one looks like a mommy deer.  Dey are playeen chase!!
Me:  Well look at that....chase....they look twitterpated to me.
Edee:  What does dat mean?
Me:  It means that they are excited for Spring.
Edee: OOOoh.

We watch the deer frolic for a few more moments until they dart into the words.

Never-mind that in two days it's the first official day of Spring (and that snow is on the forecast, humph). The deer are twitterpated....it's officially Spring now!!

Also never-mind that twitterpated might be an antiquated term now--the younger generation would probably assume it has something to do with Twitter.  I hope we haven't become that uncultured.

Rotten Egg

Sometimes I teach the kids things that I may have been better off waiting and having them learn from their peers.

For example, since trying to get my kids out the door equates rushing two (easily distracted) slugs, I'm always thinking up new ways to encourage them to get a move on.  Once I let the age-old phrase, "The last one there is a rotten egg!" slip out while trying to get everyone to the car.

This phrase was fascinating to them, especially after they insisted I explain what a rotten egg was.

 So of course, now whenever I'm the last to get anywhere, I'm the rotten egg.

Chicken has taken this to a whole new level and proudly proclaims that in addition to me being the rotten egg, he's a "fwess (fresh) egg".  

I hear about this often for something as simple as getting to the dinner table or getting down the stairs. "Last one there is a rotten egg," I hear, as they are already two steps away from their destination. "YOU are a rotten egg, Mom!!  We are fwess eggs!  We're da fwess ones, you're da rotten one!! AH ha ha HA HAAA HAAA.  Nah nah naaah."  Accompanied with a little dance.

The only person I can blame for this is myself.

Herbivore

We are at the dinner table together as a family discussing herbivores, carnivores, and omnivores with Edee.  She had taken an interest for one reason or another.

Daddy:  So which kind of animal just eats meat?
Edee:  A carnivore!!
Daddy:  And which one eats both meat AND plants?
Edee:   Um.....an om-i-vore.
Mommy:  Good!  And which kind of animals only eats plants?
Edee:  Um.....hmmmm.
Chicken:  DINOSAUR!!

Everyone burst into laughter,  including Chicken, who seem thrilled by the reaction.  Daddy was laughing extra hard with his face in his hands.

Chicken:  Daddy, are you crying?

Hand Sanitizer

There are a few words of which both of my kids will inadvertently mix up some of the letters.  I don't think it's horribly uncommon.  For example, both Edee and Chicken say "aminal" in place of animal consistently, and say "cimmanin" instead of cinnamon.

The most recent one though, had me laughing.

Edee:  We can dust use sand hanitizer when we are at the museum.
Me:  What was that you were going to use?
Edee:  Sand hanitizer.
Me:  Hand sanitizer.
Edee:  Yeah, sand hanitzer.

Then Chicken today...

Chicken:  Mom, I meed some hanitzer.
Me: Chicken, you are NOT allowed in my bag.  Stay out of my bag.
Chicken:  Hanitizer!!!  I meed hanitizer!  Please!  Please I meed hanitizer!!
Me:  No Chicken.
Chicken: WWAHHHHH!  Hanitizer!!  Hanitizer!  I meed it!!

I should be called hanitizer, just to simplify things.  Kids have this stuff figured out.

Three

Me:  How many charms are on the bracelet?
Chicken:  I dunno.
Me:  Let's count them.  1....2....3.
Chicken:  Free!
Me:  Yep.  Three, just like you.  You are three year old.
Chicken:  What in heck!!
Me:  ....What?
Chicken:  Why do I keeping on being free?  UGH!
Me:  You'll be three for awhile, Chicken.
Chicken:  Ugh!!

The novelty of being a new age wears off quickly, apparently

Sweet Sickie

Chicken has been sick this week.

 I ask him what he wants for lunch and he tell me a " 'moof-fie" (smoothie).  I get it ready in the kitchen, but peek over in the living room to make sure he's not asleep before turning on the the blender.  He doesn't like loud noises, including the blender, and I didn't want to send him into a conniption.He is asleep, so I start tucking the blankets around him to make him into a little bundle in order to take him up to his bed upstairs.

Chicken:  Mom, what are you doing, I'm sleep-een.
Me: I was going to turn on the blender and didn't want to wake you up, so I was taking you upstairs to sleep in your room.
Chicken:  Dat's okay, I dust want to sleep here.
Me:  Will the blender scare you?
Chicken:  No, I'm fine wit' the blender on.
Me:  Okay sweetie.
Chicken: Danks for tucking me in, Mom.

He rolls back over to fall asleep.
Total heart melt.

I turn on the blender and come check on him when it's finished.  He appears asleep.  A moment later he rouses a bit and murmers--

Chicken: Da blender help-ed me to fall asleep Mom."
Me:  Oh.  Okay, good.

I quietly pick up the laptop and sit down to write this down.

Chicken:  Mom!  You dust woke -ed me up.
Me:  Sorry.
Chicken:  Dust don't do it again, kay?

LOL.  (more like QGOL--quiet giggle out loud).  That kid.

Then after waking up from his nap.

Me:  Did you have a nice nap?
Chicken:  Yah.  Da blender was good for me to fall asleep.  Da blender was good for me.  Did your mom turn on da blender for you to fall asleep when you were a kid?
Me: Ha, no....but I liked the sound of the washing machine to fall asleep....

The magical soothing blender. Who knew? Just last week he was terrified of it.

Peacock

Edee grabs one of those "grown-up" coloring books with abstract designs off of a shelf and brings it over to where I am sitting with Chicken.

Edee:  Mommy, you need to color one of dese pik-shures for Chicken, like you did for me.
Me:  Okay, there are some things I need to get done first.  Maybe later today.
Edee:  Look, Chicken, do you like dis one?
Chicken:  Yeah!

They chatter on some more, I'm not paying attention.

Edee:  Mom!  Chicken wants dis one because it looks like a dead peacock!
Me:  Wha...
Chicken:  Yeah!  It does!  It weally does!
Me:  Gross, a dead peacock?
Edee:  Yeah!  Color dis one for him, okay?
Me:  Hmmmm....not sure how I feel about that.

They chatter on some more.

Edee:  Mom, we want you do color dis one.
Me:  Because it looks like a dead peacock?
Edee:  No, it looks like a porky-pine wit feaders (feathers) in it.  Dat's why.
Chicken:  Yeah!

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Teenager

Edee. The girl who has wanted to grow up ever since she's understood the concept of growing up.

I've been a leader in the Young Women's Organization (Youth Group at our church) in one capacity or another for the majority of Edee's existence.  Before she existed, even.  Subsequently, she knows all about it (or at least thinks she does) and simply can't wait until she's a twelve year old herself.

Edee:  Mom!  I love my CTR 5 class (church class for five year olds) SO much!  It's so much fun.
Me:  Good, I'm glad! You have great teachers and great friends there.
Edee:  Yeah.  And soon!  Soon I will be in Young Womens' and see you there, Mom.
Me: Whoa.  Not too soon. I'm glad you are excited but you still have seven years to go.  You sure are getting big though.
Edee:  Yeah!  I can't believe I'm getting so big.  I am growing up, Mom.  Soon I'll be a teenager.
Me:  Now don't say that.
Edee:  Why not?
Me:  Because some teenagers can be a bit....scary...I guess.  I hope you are nice to me.....are you going to be nice to me?
Edee:  I don't know yet, Mom. Sorry, we'll just have to wait to find out.
Me:  Whaaaaat.
Chicken:  I will!  I will be nice to you Mom!
Me:  I believe you Chicken.....
Edee:  No Chicken, you don't know that yet.
Chicken:  I do!
Edee:  You don't know that.  You'll have to wait and see.  But, you know more than adults do.  We usually do.  Kids do know more than adults.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.  What the what.

Is it plain to see why I'm legitimately scared about Edee and this teenager business??

Potty Talk

Potty training has been going  *slowly* with Chicken.  It's been a drawn out process.  We take a few steps forward, we take a few steps back.  Such is life, as they say.

I definitely wouldn't say it's been a good experience.  But, if there is a positive note,  I do have to say that it's pretty cute how he announces that he needs to use the potty...you know, on the rare occasion that that happens.   He'll say:  "I feel like to pee!", or "I feel like to poop!!".  Pretty much he just leaves out the "I need" part every single time.   I know it sounds wrong to state that someone can be adorable while referring to to their bodily functions, but really, really it really is.

We were driving to church and the kids stated that the truck made a sound.  I didn't hear it, but as they were talking about it, Chicken says in his sweet little voice, "The truck feels like to poop!".  We all laugh, which is what he was going for.  What a funny little guy!

On a side note, a lady told me yesterday that I need to send his picture into GAP kids because he could totally model.  "You really should do it.  He has that look," she said.  I know what she means, he does have that look.  This is why I can't help being crazy about Chicken--he's funny, sweet, smart, and model-worthy handsome.  He just has it all.

 Well, besides the ability to not poop and pee in his pants, that is, so....maybe he doesn't.

Singing

Chicken picked out a "baby show" to watch while he was getting his hair cut a few days ago.  Gotta keep that wiggly little head still; I'll do whatever it takes.   The show, which was geared towards infants, had a mellow, monotonous theme song that easily gets stuck in your head (as many children's shows' theme songs tend to do).

So yesterday, out of the blue Daddy belts out the lyrics.... in a purposely obnoxious, falsetto voice.

Daddy:  "My child!  Me and Baby First TV.  My child!  Me and Baby First TV.  My child--"
Chicken:  No Dad!  It's not cute when you do it!
Edee:  EEEH!  Dad!  Dat's not right!
Daddy (ignoring them):  "My Child!  Me and Baby First TV--"
Edee:  Stop!! Dat's not right, Dad!
Daddy:  "My--"
Chicken:  STOP Dad!  It's not cute when YOU do it!  See, watch me.
(then with a sheepish little grin):  "My Child!  Me and Baby First TV...."  See? Dat's cute.  It's not cute when YOU do it!!

Oh the protest.   Oh the cuteness (or the lack thereof, depending on who's referring to who).
Oh the entertainment.

Hilarious

We are getting ready to meet up with some friends at the nearby trampoline park, and Edee suddenly comes down with an upset stomach and all that that entails.  After breaking the news that we need to stay home, she (unsurprisingly) melts down.  Daddy is consoling Edee downstairs, and I hear Chicken coming up the stairs.

Chicken:  Dis is 'ilarious!! Mom!  Dis is 'ilarious!
Me:  What's hilarious?
Chicken:  Dat we are staying home.
Me:  Chicken, do you know what 'hilarious' means?
Chicken:  No.  What does it mean?
Me:  It means that something is really funny.  I don't think that's what you meant.
Chicken:  Oh!

.....but it's so fun trying out new words :)

Goals

Goals have been the topic of the week here.  In addition to it being a new year, I taught Joy School lessons about goals for our preschool group.

Me:  So have you been thinking of the goals you want to work on during Joy School?
Student 1:  My goal is to finish my work on time!
Me:  Very nice, that's a great goal.
Student 2:  I'm going to stay calm and be nice!
Me:  That's wonderful.
Edee:  I'm going to help my friends.
Me:  Nice.  How about you work on including everyone also along with that.  What about you Chicken?
Chicken:  I'm going to jump on a cloud!!
Me:  Uh....ok, that sounds fun, but let's think of something we can do during school time...
Chicken:  I want to pack-tice jumping on da cloud!

The other kids are giggling.  After a few minutes of a (pointless) debate about it with Chicken, I suggest something else about helping Mom out and jot it on his chart.

A few days later, we are talking about new chore charts we made and family goals as part of a family night.

Me:  Okay, so I am going to put our charts upstairs where we can see them.  Should we keep the same goals or should we do something else?  Hmm....how about Daddy and I keep the same goals we had.  Edee, do you want to keep the same goal about not whining?
Edee:  Yeah!  I didn't whine today! I get a smiley face!!
Me:  Okay, and Chicken, do you want to keep the same goal of using the potty or do you want to do something else, like not throwing fits?
Chicken:  I want to jump on a cloud!!!
Daddy:  Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Me:   Ugh.  Funny to you Daddy, but this isn't the first time I've heard this.  Uh, okay, honey, you really can't jump on a cloud.  And even if you could, it's not something we can practice at home together in our family.  Do you want to work on staying dry? Or not throwing fits?
Chicken:  I want to jump on a cloud!  ONLY dat one!
Me:  Okay.  Listen.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but you can't do that.  It won't work.
Chicken:  Only jumping on a cloud.
Me:   No.  Hmmm....what should our goal be for you?
Chicken:  DAT is a goal, get a goal FOR ME.  DAT IS DA GOAL, get a goal for me!!

Well.  I guess that is the case....my goal now is to find a goal for Clayton that we can agree on (or that is at least more realistic than jumping on a cloud).  

Disaster

Edee refers to anything that happened in the past as "last year".  Since we're only three days into the new year, technically she is now correct any time she refers to something that happened "last year".

We're driving to church as a family and she remarks about something that happened "last year".

Me:  Yep.  Edee, do you realize that THIS year you'll be going to kindergarten?
Edee (eyes lit up):  I am!??
Daddy:  Wait!  She is?......Whoa....this year?  What.....how'd that happen?
Me:  I know, so exciting!  In September, Edee.  That's about nine months away.
Daddy:  That's so crazy that will happen this year.
Me (talking to Daddy quietly): We also said that this year we'd talk about whether or not we'll try to get P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T.
Daddy:  What....oh no.....
Edee:  Mom!!  What does dat spell?? Tell me!!
Daddy:  It spells 'Disaster'.
Edee:  Oh right, I knew dat already.

Mmmm hmmm.

Heck

Chicken was in the bathroom with me as I was getting ready this morning.

Me:   Hmmm....where is my contact solution....am I out?  Where is it....
Chicken:  What in heck!?  What in heck!? What in heck!?
Me:  Oh, there it is.
Chicken:  Mom.... is 'what in heck' a good word??
Me:  Um.  No... it's not the best thing to say.
Chicken:  But Mom, we say "what in heck" when we can't find fings.

Such a proud feeling as a mother to know that you've taught your child something so refined.

Oranges

Happy New Year 2016!  I know I missed a lot of cute Edee and Chickenisms, but the month of December was a very busy one.  I'm recommitting to capture the kids conversations a little better this year.

I've posted before about how Chicken LOVES orange juice.  It's the only drink he asks for.  But even if it's apple juice, grape juice, or whatever juice we have....it's still "owange duice" to him and acceptable.

He *usually* enjoys oranges themselves also; except.... for when they are too fresh, apparently.

Me:  Here Chicken, eat your orange and then I'll get you the rest of your lunch.
Chicken:  My owange is too fwesh!  Fwesh!!  I don't like it, it's too fwesh for me!
Me:  You're orange is too fresh?  Are you sure?
Chicken:  What does 'too fwesh' mean?
Me:  It means nice and new.
Chicken:  It's too fwesh and I don't like it!

The fact is that the oranges were a little old, which is what I think he was trying to say...they weren't fresh!

That was a few weeks ago.  Today, Chicken asked me to sit by him at the little table while he drank the orange juice I poured him (which, by-the-way, is always heavily watered down since the kid drinks so much of the stuff).

Me:  Oh, do you even have any juice left in there?

He takes a big swig to down the rest of small amount left in the cup.

Chicken:  I dust drank da last blump!

I could not control the laughter.  It was just so cute and funny how he said it.  I have no idea where he got the word "blump". Of course my reaction caught Edee and Daddy's attention, and after I related what happened, Edee immediately asked if should could have a blump of orange juice too.

This one here is a trend-setter, I feel it.