Baking Trouble

I'm doing my Thanksgiving baking and the kids are giving me a hard time in every aspect.  Mostly they are licking and eating and touching everything that I don't want them to.  I'm getting to my last straw by the time I find both kids man-handling a stick of butter.

Me: Edee!!!  You guys can't be serious!!! Stay out of the butter!!!
Edee:  Wah!!
Me:  Edee, no.  You do not stick your finger in butter, that is gross. I need an apology.
Edee:  Sorry.
Me:  Why was that wrong?
Edee:  Because it wasn't very nice.
Me:  Why wasn't it very nice?  What can you get in the butter if you are sticking your fingers in it?
Edee: Trouble.

I was going for germs but that was also an accurate answer.

Dammit.

Ugh....parent fail on so many levels.  Don't read this if you are a judgmental person.  And if you are judgmental and still decided to read this, I really don't care.  I know you have your moments too.  I'm keeping it real, folks! We are not the perfect family--obviously.

The kids are playing in the other room and I hear a crash.

Chicken: DAMMIT!!
Edee:  We don't say "dammit"!!
Chicken:  DAMMIT!!
Edee:  We don't say "dammit", Chicken!!
Chicken:  DAMMIT!!
Me:  Both of you stop!!!

My attempts to get them to not say it has seemed to increase the frequency.

Treats

Edee is sitting on my lap with a DumDum sucker in her mouth (as bribery) while I clip her fingernails.

Edee:  Mommy, I yove you.
Me:  I love you, too.  Why do you love me?
Edee:  Because you give me yummy teats (treats) all da time.
Me:  I see.

I suspected it had something to do with that.

Gifts

Me:  What do you think Daddy would like for Christmas?
Edee:  Um....maybe a carved pumpkin!!
Me:  Well that's creative.  What else do you think he'd like?
Edee:  Um maybe a  yar jacket
Me: What?  A jacket??
Edee:  Yeah, a yar one!
Me:  Uh...
Edee:  A jacket with syars ah over it.
Me:   Oh,  a jacket...with stars all over it?
Edee:  Yeah!
Me: Yeah I think he'd like that one.  What do you think Chicken would like?
Edee: Uh, bananas.

Yep, Edee's doing the Christmas shopping this year.

Chimney (Round II)

Edee:  Why does Santa come down our chimney?
Me:  To bring presents.
Edee:  But we have a door Mommy! Why doesn't he come in the door?
Me:  I know....but the reindeer land on the roof, and so Santa comes down the chimney with the present.
Edee:  But....we still have a door!!!

She can't let go of the obvious fact that it's absurd for anyone to enter a house through the chimney when there's a door.  Last year she didn't have a problem with Santa coming down the chimney.

Raw

Me: Edee!!  Chicken!!  Stop eating the raw dough!!
Edee:  Why?
Me:  Because it will make you sick.
Edee: Okay.
Me: You too, Chicken.
Chicken:  Awight.
Me:  Chicken!!  Get that out of your mouth!  Edee stop encouraging him!
Edee:  Okay.... we can't eat da rotten dough, Chicken. Rotten dough will make you sick.
Me:  RAW....but rotten dough would make you sick too....either way please stop.

Chocolate Cake.

Edee has been eyeing a container in the kitchen with a small chocolate bundt cake inside over the past few days.  I keep trying to hide it but she keeps spotting it.

Edee:  Mommy, can I haff some of dat cauck-it  cake?
Me:  No Edee, not right now.
Edee:  Why?
Me:  Because it's for Mommy.
Edee:  Why?  Why is it Mommy's?
Me:  Because Daddy bought it for me when I was having a hard day.
Edee:  But I want some!
Me:  Sorry, but remember how I said no more chocolate treats today since you snuck into the chocolate chips and spilled them all over the floor?
Edee:  WAH!  It's all gone! Da cake is all gone!! I didn't get any!!!
Me:  No there's still a piece left....wait, it's gone!   I guess Daddy ate my last piece....
Edee:  AWWW!  Can I yick da fosting off of da yid?  Pitty pease?  I didn't get any!
Me:  Okay....fine....here.

Yeah I obviously just forgot about the no chocolate thing.  What I give into for a few minutes of peace...
My mind is completely somewhere else and a few minutes pass.

Edee:  Uh, uh Mommy?  I haff to tell you some-peen.
Me:  Okay, what?
Edee:  Mommy, I am haffing a hard day.  I'm haffing a really bad day.
Me:  Aw, I'm sorry.  I know you are.
Edee: Yeah I'm haffing a bad day and you need to make me a cauck-it cake.

It's just barely sinking in about now what she's doing here.

Me:  I'm not making you a chocolate cake.  We don't get cake every time we have a bad day.  Plus I told you no more chocolate, remember?
Edee:  I'm having a pitty bad day, can you make me a saw-bewwy cake?
Me:  I'm not making a strawberry cake either.  Or any cake.

Smart little girl here.  She picks up on everything....especially the things I don't mean for her to pick up on!

Eating Birds

Both of my kids ask "Why?"  a lot.  Like, A LOT a lot.  I'm sorry to say, it can get quite obnoxious.  Especially because Edee asks it in such a whiny, grating way.   I'm feeling annoyed just typing about it, to be perfectly honest.

Edee:  Mom, do we eat any birds that fly?
Me:  Yeah....like turkeys.  And ducks.  And some people eat geese.  We eat birds like that.
Edee:  What about little birds?
Me:  No...we don't eat songbirds.
Edee:  Why?
Me:  Because they are too small too eat.
Edee:  Why?
Me:  Because there's not a lot of meat on those small birds.
Edee: But but yi-yons (lions) eat birds!  Small birds!
Me:  I'm sure they do.  Cats and lions can eat small birds.
Edee:  Why don't people do?
Me:  Because lions don't mind eating feathers and bones but people don't do that.
Edee:  Why?
Me:  Because it's yucky.
Edee: But I yike to eat chicken on da bone!
Me:  But do you eat the bone?
Edee:  No.

I think the conversation is over (and this was the shortened version).
No such luck.

Edee:  Do people eat fah-mingos?
Me:  No, I don't think people eat flamingos.
Edee:  Why don't people eat fah-mingos?
Me:  Well, I don't know, maybe some people eat flamingos but Americans at least don't.
Edee:  Why?
Me:  Because they are not birds that are in our country to eat.  I don't think other people eat them either.
Edee:  Why?
Me:  ARG.  Just Because.  They aren't the kind of bird people eat.
Edee:  Why?

and so on.

So, if anyone out there knows if people can eat flamingos...I have a three year old who really wants to know.

Chicken Prayer

Chicken has loved saying family prayers lately.  It's pretty cute.  They almost always go more or less like this:

"Dank you wamiwee.  Dank you wamiwee.  And dank you wamiwee.  Dank you wamiwee.  Dank you wamiwee.  Dank you wamiwee.  And dank you wamiwee.  And dank you wamiwee."

I'm glad to know he's thankful for his family :)  I'm sure thankful for him!

Mad Tummy

Edee:  Mommy, I'm ready to eat breakfast.
Me:  Okay.
I hear her tummy grumble
Edee:  Mommy, my tummy is mad!!
Me:  Why is it mad?
Edee:  Because it's hungry.

Just made me giggle today.

Daddy's Fault

A little while ago I wrote a post about how Chicken will tell us that he's tired, followed with a declaration that it's Daddy's fault.  Now all the sudden everything is adamently "Daddy's wault" anytime fault is mentioned (usually in jest).  Of course I find this hilarious.

The other day Daddy found a way to use this to his advantage.   He came sauntering downstairs with Chicken in tow.

Daddy:  Hey Chicken, you're pretty cute.
Chicken:  Yeah.
Daddy:  Yeah, and it's Mommy's fault.
Chicken:  No!  Daddy's wault.

You can imagine that they both had smug little grins on their face after that.

Falling Down.

We were at a shoe store trying to find some shoes for Edee.  The size we needed was high up on a shelf out of reach, so we asked a store employee for help.

Employee:  Watch out, sometimes boxes stacked this high will fall down.  Here they go.

Boxes start to fall.  Chicken has an intense serious look on his face.

Chicken:  Oh cap!  Oh CAP!  OH CAP!  WALLIN' DOWN!! Oh cap.
Employee:  Ha ha ha!  That's so cute that he's saying "oh crap!"  That's hilarious.

Uh...well, I guess I'm glad she got a kick out of it.  I was inwardly quite mortified.

Gum

Kids are so fascinated with gum.  Especially when it's forbidden to them.

Chicken:  Gum Mommy?
Me:  Yep, I'm chewing gum.
Chicken: Lemme see it.

I blow and pop a bubble

Chicken!  Ah ha ha!! Pop go a wea-sell!!!
Me:  Pop goes the weasel?!!
Chicken:  Yeah!  Again!  Again!!

And you can guess how we spent the next 15 minutes.