Rotten Egg

Sometimes I teach the kids things that I may have been better off waiting and having them learn from their peers.

For example, since trying to get my kids out the door equates rushing two (easily distracted) slugs, I'm always thinking up new ways to encourage them to get a move on.  Once I let the age-old phrase, "The last one there is a rotten egg!" slip out while trying to get everyone to the car.

This phrase was fascinating to them, especially after they insisted I explain what a rotten egg was.

 So of course, now whenever I'm the last to get anywhere, I'm the rotten egg.

Chicken has taken this to a whole new level and proudly proclaims that in addition to me being the rotten egg, he's a "fwess (fresh) egg".  

I hear about this often for something as simple as getting to the dinner table or getting down the stairs. "Last one there is a rotten egg," I hear, as they are already two steps away from their destination. "YOU are a rotten egg, Mom!!  We are fwess eggs!  We're da fwess ones, you're da rotten one!! AH ha ha HA HAAA HAAA.  Nah nah naaah."  Accompanied with a little dance.

The only person I can blame for this is myself.

Herbivore

We are at the dinner table together as a family discussing herbivores, carnivores, and omnivores with Edee.  She had taken an interest for one reason or another.

Daddy:  So which kind of animal just eats meat?
Edee:  A carnivore!!
Daddy:  And which one eats both meat AND plants?
Edee:   Um.....an om-i-vore.
Mommy:  Good!  And which kind of animals only eats plants?
Edee:  Um.....hmmmm.
Chicken:  DINOSAUR!!

Everyone burst into laughter,  including Chicken, who seem thrilled by the reaction.  Daddy was laughing extra hard with his face in his hands.

Chicken:  Daddy, are you crying?

Hand Sanitizer

There are a few words of which both of my kids will inadvertently mix up some of the letters.  I don't think it's horribly uncommon.  For example, both Edee and Chicken say "aminal" in place of animal consistently, and say "cimmanin" instead of cinnamon.

The most recent one though, had me laughing.

Edee:  We can dust use sand hanitizer when we are at the museum.
Me:  What was that you were going to use?
Edee:  Sand hanitizer.
Me:  Hand sanitizer.
Edee:  Yeah, sand hanitzer.

Then Chicken today...

Chicken:  Mom, I meed some hanitzer.
Me: Chicken, you are NOT allowed in my bag.  Stay out of my bag.
Chicken:  Hanitizer!!!  I meed hanitizer!  Please!  Please I meed hanitizer!!
Me:  No Chicken.
Chicken: WWAHHHHH!  Hanitizer!!  Hanitizer!  I meed it!!

I should be called hanitizer, just to simplify things.  Kids have this stuff figured out.

Three

Me:  How many charms are on the bracelet?
Chicken:  I dunno.
Me:  Let's count them.  1....2....3.
Chicken:  Free!
Me:  Yep.  Three, just like you.  You are three year old.
Chicken:  What in heck!!
Me:  ....What?
Chicken:  Why do I keeping on being free?  UGH!
Me:  You'll be three for awhile, Chicken.
Chicken:  Ugh!!

The novelty of being a new age wears off quickly, apparently

Sweet Sickie

Chicken has been sick this week.

 I ask him what he wants for lunch and he tell me a " 'moof-fie" (smoothie).  I get it ready in the kitchen, but peek over in the living room to make sure he's not asleep before turning on the the blender.  He doesn't like loud noises, including the blender, and I didn't want to send him into a conniption.He is asleep, so I start tucking the blankets around him to make him into a little bundle in order to take him up to his bed upstairs.

Chicken:  Mom, what are you doing, I'm sleep-een.
Me: I was going to turn on the blender and didn't want to wake you up, so I was taking you upstairs to sleep in your room.
Chicken:  Dat's okay, I dust want to sleep here.
Me:  Will the blender scare you?
Chicken:  No, I'm fine wit' the blender on.
Me:  Okay sweetie.
Chicken: Danks for tucking me in, Mom.

He rolls back over to fall asleep.
Total heart melt.

I turn on the blender and come check on him when it's finished.  He appears asleep.  A moment later he rouses a bit and murmers--

Chicken: Da blender help-ed me to fall asleep Mom."
Me:  Oh.  Okay, good.

I quietly pick up the laptop and sit down to write this down.

Chicken:  Mom!  You dust woke -ed me up.
Me:  Sorry.
Chicken:  Dust don't do it again, kay?

LOL.  (more like QGOL--quiet giggle out loud).  That kid.

Then after waking up from his nap.

Me:  Did you have a nice nap?
Chicken:  Yah.  Da blender was good for me to fall asleep.  Da blender was good for me.  Did your mom turn on da blender for you to fall asleep when you were a kid?
Me: Ha, no....but I liked the sound of the washing machine to fall asleep....

The magical soothing blender. Who knew? Just last week he was terrified of it.

Peacock

Edee grabs one of those "grown-up" coloring books with abstract designs off of a shelf and brings it over to where I am sitting with Chicken.

Edee:  Mommy, you need to color one of dese pik-shures for Chicken, like you did for me.
Me:  Okay, there are some things I need to get done first.  Maybe later today.
Edee:  Look, Chicken, do you like dis one?
Chicken:  Yeah!

They chatter on some more, I'm not paying attention.

Edee:  Mom!  Chicken wants dis one because it looks like a dead peacock!
Me:  Wha...
Chicken:  Yeah!  It does!  It weally does!
Me:  Gross, a dead peacock?
Edee:  Yeah!  Color dis one for him, okay?
Me:  Hmmmm....not sure how I feel about that.

They chatter on some more.

Edee:  Mom, we want you do color dis one.
Me:  Because it looks like a dead peacock?
Edee:  No, it looks like a porky-pine wit feaders (feathers) in it.  Dat's why.
Chicken:  Yeah!

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Teenager

Edee. The girl who has wanted to grow up ever since she's understood the concept of growing up.

I've been a leader in the Young Women's Organization (Youth Group at our church) in one capacity or another for the majority of Edee's existence.  Before she existed, even.  Subsequently, she knows all about it (or at least thinks she does) and simply can't wait until she's a twelve year old herself.

Edee:  Mom!  I love my CTR 5 class (church class for five year olds) SO much!  It's so much fun.
Me:  Good, I'm glad! You have great teachers and great friends there.
Edee:  Yeah.  And soon!  Soon I will be in Young Womens' and see you there, Mom.
Me: Whoa.  Not too soon. I'm glad you are excited but you still have seven years to go.  You sure are getting big though.
Edee:  Yeah!  I can't believe I'm getting so big.  I am growing up, Mom.  Soon I'll be a teenager.
Me:  Now don't say that.
Edee:  Why not?
Me:  Because some teenagers can be a bit....scary...I guess.  I hope you are nice to me.....are you going to be nice to me?
Edee:  I don't know yet, Mom. Sorry, we'll just have to wait to find out.
Me:  Whaaaaat.
Chicken:  I will!  I will be nice to you Mom!
Me:  I believe you Chicken.....
Edee:  No Chicken, you don't know that yet.
Chicken:  I do!
Edee:  You don't know that.  You'll have to wait and see.  But, you know more than adults do.  We usually do.  Kids do know more than adults.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.  What the what.

Is it plain to see why I'm legitimately scared about Edee and this teenager business??