Star Wars Hot Chocolate

Chicken:  Mom did you put any mint in this hot chocolate?
Me:  No it's already peppermint flavored.
Chicken:  MMMmmm yum, this is good.  I know it is NOT from Star Wars,
Me:  You mean... Starbucks?
Chicken:  Oh right  (sluuurp).  Yours is better than Starbucks.

I guess you could say the hot chocolate I make is out of this world.

Grandma

Chicken:  Mom, I don't want you to be a grandma.
Me:  Why not?
Chicken:  Because then you won't be my mom anymore.
Me:  Yes I will!  I'll always be your mom.
Chicken:  But then you'll be about to die
Me: .....no I won't.  I mean, no one knows when they are going to die.  Everyone dies.  But I'm planning on being around for awhile.
Chicken:  But then where are you planning on living when you're a grandma?  Like Chicago....or America....or Washington?
Me:   I'll be in America, pretty sure.
Chicken:  But I don't know where I'm going to live.
Me:  How about I live wherever you live?  How does that sound?
Chicken:  Good!!!
Me: Sounds good, I'll follow you around and help take care of your babies.
Chicken: Yeah I want to live wherever you live.  What if you forget?  Don't you forget things?
Me:  I'll try not to forget. We can talk about it when you're older and married.
Chicken: Do you know how many kids I want to have?
Me:  How many?
Chicken:  Ten.
Me:  Make sure you talk to your wife about that, okay?

He Loves Her

We got an Echo Dot recently.  We have an Echo downstairs and the kids love it, so we got the Dot for upstairs so they can listen to their favorite music as they play and before falling asleep.  The kids sat on the couch with me as I pulled up the computer and started to make a "Bedtime" playlist.  Jewel has a lullaby album, so I was starting to pull a few songs from it when Chicken bursts out upon seeing her picture.

Chicken:  Wow, dat girl is AMAZIN'!  She is so, so beautiful and SO amazin'.   I dust LOVE her.  So much.
Me:  Chicken!! What?
Chicken:  I mean, I don't weally love her, but I WEALLY LOVE da way she looks!  I weally do.

I just sat there in a giggly shock, not believing that just happened.  I mean I can't blame him, she's beautiful. But keeping this for future reference so that I know when to steer this boy away from women looking like this.

CARES

The after school day care program at Edee's school is called CARES.  Apparently I'm the mom who doesn't care because Edee doesn't get to go.   She hears how fun it is from all her friends and feels it's pretty boring here at home in comparision.  I've had multiple conversations about it with her before about how the kids who go to CARES need to go there because both of their parents work, and since I don't work, there's no need for her to go.

She got her hopes up though when I almost missed picking her up from the bus.  The bus had already turned around and was coming back by our house, and we barely made it.  I had almost missed her once before and was berated severely by Edee because of it.  Not this time.  The response instead was: Awwww, Mom, I thought I was going to get to go the CARES today!  I was so excited!

Then later Chicken comes up to me and tells me that Edee was telling him to purposefully be slow coming down to pick her up from the bus so she could go to CARES.  Chicken adamantly insisted that he told her that he would NOT do that.

Oh Edee.

And another funny non-relating thing both of them have been saying:
instead of "making sure" to do something, they have been saying "make sure-ing."  It's cute.

Creepin' Up on You

We've been listening to the Troll's movie soundtrack at our house lately.  Chicken particularly likes the song "Can't Stop the Feeling" by Justin Timberlake.  This means that we listen to it every day. Lots of times every day.  Dozen of times every day.  I added it to Chicken's "Kids Fun" Playlist, which consists of all the songs he's obsessed with:  "Everything is Awesome", "Shatter Me", "Safe and Sound", "We Will Rock You", "Immortals", "Cinema".  And now "Can't Stop the Feeling".  It's too short of a playlist to listen to so often.

But they are his favorites, and try telling the four-year-old to branch out.

I'm talking about the song with Chicken.

Me:  Don't you think it's a little weird that he's saying that he's creeping up on you?
Chicken:  I taught it was sayin', "I dust cweepin' up on JUICE, so dust dance, dance, dance, dance."
(insert lisp for the 's' sound in 'dance').
Me:  Of course you thought that.  That's not nearly as creepy.
Chicken:  Sometimes, I fink it's saying, "I dust eatin' chips, so dust dance, dance, dance, dance."

Hmm.

It's a weird song either way.

But, I STILL DUST WOVE CHICKEN!  (So just dance, dance, dance, dance...)

Growing Up

Daddy:  Hey Mommy, look at this.  This little guy is so much taller than the counter.
Me:  What....couldn't he run right under that corner when we first moved in?  How did that happen?
Daddy:  He just keeps growing.
Me:  Stop that Chicken.  No more of that. It's not allowed.  Don't even think about growing anymore.
Daddy:  If you keep growing, we're going to have to send you to timeout.
Me: Yeah.  You'll have to stay in timeout until you decide to quit growing.
Chicken:  Hey!  Dat's not fair at all!  I only stop groween WHEN I'M DEAD!!
Daddy:  He's got a point.
Me:  Oh.  Well, I guess that's not very fair then.

I had to try.

Baby Eggs

Chicken:  Mom, I didn't know dat mommy's tummies are cut open for da baby to come out!!  It's not from da girl parts!

Edee:  Yeah Mom!  You were wrong!

Me:  What...who told you...well, sometimes that happens if the baby needs to come out quick.  It happens sometimes but usually not.

Chicken:  Edee, did you know dat dere's a tiny egg in da mommy's tummy?  Yeah, and den it hatches.

Me:  Well...er,no, it doesn't hatch, Chicken, it's more like it grows.

Chicken:  What?  I did not know dat. And den it EXPLODES!??

Me:  No...

Can you tell that Chicken has had a lot of questions about babies lately?  (Out of nowhere, might I add, I'm not pregnant, just for the record). And I'm thinking that a few of his friends are not giving him the most reliable information.  Just a taste of many future conversations, I'm sure.

Timeout

Chicken:  Mom, if somebody loves somebody, den dey don't want dem to go in timeout.  So if you love me, you won't ever want me to go into timeout.

Way to lay on the Mommy guilt, Chicken.  

Snow Poop

Chicken has this idea lately that any time the snow looks dirty, it's because an animal pooped and/or peed on it.  It's humorous...but it's starting to get slightly irritating how often I have to go over this with him.

Let's take today, for example.

We are driving on a warm day. The snow has been melting.

Chicken:  Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.  I dust saw some-ting SO disgusting. Yuck!! I can't believe it.
Me: What?
Chicken: I dust saw dat an animal pooped so much in a pile of snow, dere was so much poop in the whole pile.
Me:  Chicken, remember...we've talked about this.  Snow can look really dirty, especially when it's melting.  It was probably just rocks and dirt in the snow.
Chicken:  No mom, it WEALLY was animal poop. I dust know it, mom, it weally, weally was. I know it is.

I mean, if he's that convinced, there's really not much more I can do or say.

Bus Treasures

Edee had just got off of the bus from school, when she announces, "I'm just going upstairs, for no reason!!"

Daddy and I raise our eyebrows at each other. Clayton runs up after her.

Me (yelling up the stairs):  What reason do you have for going upstairs for no reason?
Edee:  Just no reason!  I'll be right back!
Me (to Daddy):  What was that about?
Daddy:  I don't know.  Something's going on.

She comes back downstairs.

Daddy: Edee, I need you to be honest.  Why did you run upstairs?
Edee:  I, uh...mm...I just found something on the bus.  It's not dirty!
Me:  Okay, go get it and show it to us right now, please.
Edee:  Okay.

She leaves and comes back excitedly holding out something small in her hand and hands it to Daddy.

Edee:  It smells so good!
Me:  What is--
Daddy:  Aw, gross!
Me:  Ew! Edee!  Gross, that's a dried out piece of chewed up gum.  Go wash your hands right now.

Chicken is sitting there smiling at me.

Me:  Did you touch it too?

He nods slowly, still grinning.

Me:  Go wash your hands!!

Kids!!!!!!!!

Infinity

Chicken:  I love you a thousand.
Me:  Well I love you two thousand.
Chicken:  I love you infinity.
Me:  What? Who taught you that? I thought we were just going to one up each other, but you already got me beat!!
Chicken: Edee told me dat.
Me:  Well then.  I love you to the moon and back.
Chicken:  Wow, dat's weally a lot,  I fink dat is a more dan one hundred!

At least I still know how to impress him :)

Force Field

The past few days I've been letting the kids type on the the computer.  It started when Chicken asked if he could write "I love you Mom" one day while I was typing something.  Of course I said yes, how could you deny such a  request?  I'll type up the sentence they want, and they copy it underneath.  Chickens sentences are always more or less the same despite my attempts to branch out--he requests slight variations like "I love you Mommy", "I love you Ma Ma Ma", and his personal favorite, " I love you Mommy-choo".  Edee will let me use her school "sight words" in sentences.

I had set it up for Edee and Chicken to take turns typing then walked into the kitchen.

Edee:  Uh, Mom!  We need help, Chicken did something to da word.
Me:  Okay, coming.  What happened?
Edee:  Well, someting happened dat like, a blue kind of force field went around da word.
Me:  Ha...what?  A force field?  That means it's "high-lighted".
Edee:  Yeah he high-lighted a word.

Awesome, I will never view high-lighting the same.

Real Life

It's over a week past the 2016 presidential elections.  This morning, at 5:00 am, both Chicken and I are laying on the couch, sick, still trying to fully wake up.  I don't think I've said a word yet, just sitting in a daze.

Out of the blue:

Chicken:  Mom...are Hillaly Clinton and Donald Twump weal life?
Me: Wha.....Huh??
Chicken:  Are Hillaly Clinton and Donald Twump weal life.
Me:  Uh yeah...they are in real life.  (Unfortunately, I add to myself).
Chicken:  Do dey go to church?
Me:  Um....uh, well,  yeah I think they might sometimes....why?
Chicken:  I don't tink dey do.
Me:  You don't? How come?
Chicken:  Because dey are being mean! Dey don't know about Jesus.  If dey did knowed about Jesus dey would be nicer and wouldn't be so mean.
Me: Well....You have a valid point there, buddy.

From the mouths of babes. The things that mull around in these little minds!!

*note: I didn't know the four-year-old had a clue about any of this madness.  The only conversation Daddy and I had about any of this around the kids was over a week ago, after Edee (the-five-year-old) had come home from school after election day upset about the results (I also had no idea they talk politics in kindergarten. They sure do, rather intensely if you ask me.  Eyes opened; and so much for keeping my kids ignorant of such things so young)!

Broth

Me:  Chicken, finish up your soup.
Chicken:  I only like the soup part.  Not the vegetables and udder fings.
Me:  You don't like the kale?
Chicken:  Or dese udder fings either.  Only the soup.
Daddy:  I hate to break it to you...but all the sausage and vegetables are part of the soup Chicken.
Me:  So you're trying to say you only like the broth, Chicken.
Chicken:  Yeah I only like the bra (slurping up his broth).
--sidelong glance between Me and Daddy---
Edee: CHICKEN SAID HE LIKES THE BRA!!!
Me:  Brothhhhhh, Chicken.

You can't be too careful with words such as these.

Cemetery

We drove down to Cape Cod this weekend for a Cranberry Harvest Celebration.  As we approached our destination, we passed through a cemetery--a very New England-styled one; with old headstones surrounding us on either side; and tall, beautiful trees, dropping their leaves in a variety of colors.

Just as I was thinking to myself how utterly lovely it all was, I hear from the backseat from four-year-old Chicken in a quiet, slightly disgusted, matter-of-fact voice:

"Oh yuck, some people died."

Daddy and I both burst into laughter.  Edee and Chicken thought our reactions were pretty great so they joined in too.

Death itself really isn't a humorous thing to me.  But his perception of it in that moment was.

Alexa

We got an Amazon Echo a few months back.  "Alexa", as it's called, has become a handy and well-used addition to our family.  Fortunately, it doesn't recognize the kids' attempts to use it, or else we'd be listening to lame jokes and the song "Everything is Awesome" all day, every day.

As I'm making breakfast this morning, still slightly groggy.

Me:  Alexa--how many tablespoons in a quarter cup?
Alexa: There are 4 tablespoons in a quarter cup.
Me: Thanks.
Edee:  Mom--why did you say "thanks" to Alexa?  She's a robot!
Me:  I know....I said it because... I want to be a good example to you guys in using my manners....
(maybe slightly true, maybe I was mostly just tired...)
Edee:  Mom, you do not need to say dat to a robot.  She's not even that helpful!!
Me:  Yes she is, she helps us all the time.
Edee:  Remember? She doesn't even know anything about kiwis or where dey are from.
Me:  Alexa--where do kiwi fruit grow?
Alexa:  Sorry, I can't find the answer to the question.
Edee:  She doesn't even know where strawberries grow.
Me:  Alexa--what are strawberries?
Alexa:  Fraganaria times ananassa, a fraganaria species of plant.
Me:  See?
Edee:  Yeah, but she doesn't know where dey are from!
Me:  But.....okay, Alexa--where are strawberries from...
Alexa:  Sorry, I can't find the answer to the question.
Edee:   See?  She doesn't really even know dat much!!!

I was too tired and groggy to argue.  Silly me for thinking thanking a robot would make any type of impact.  Alexa and I were both proved to be fools.

John Henry

Chicken has begun this obsession with John Henry ever since seeing the Disney short video about him.

Chicken:  John Henry is a mighty man!  He is the strongest man in the world and no one else is as strong as him, not even Daddy.  John Henry is dust SO COOL!
Edee:  Ugh, not me, I don't like John Henry.
Chicken: Only boys like John Henry.  And girls with short hair.
Edee: Yes, but only girls with weally short hair.  It has to be weally short, and dey have to like, like things like vehicles and cars and stuff--
Chicken:  I like dose! I do! And rocket ships!  I weally, weally want to go on a rocket ship so bad. But I'm too scared to go into outer space, it's so so scary!  I don't want to go....
Edee:  You can't go, you have to be an adult to go to outer space.  Or a teenager!
Chicken:  I DO weally want to go into outer space.  I want to go TODAY, right now!

Did I mention we were in the car?   I'm just the driver here.  Please don't hold me responsible for their apparent stereotype about girls with short hair....I really don't know.

Apology

Chicken had a little friend over for the morning yesterday.  They were playing on the upper level when I hear yelled down from the top of the stairway:

Chicken: Mom!!  Becca wants to watch a show!
Me:  Becca wants to watch a show?  Or you want to watch a show...?
Chicken: Becca said it!
Me:  Okay, well no shows, okay?  It's time to play and I'm sure she's happy to play with you.
Chicken:  But Mom!  She weally wants to!!
Me:  No...maybe her mommy will let her watch shows when she's home.
Chicken:  But...
Me:  I already gave my answer.  Go play, please.
Chicken (to Becca):  Ugh.  I don't know why she is being like dis today.  Sorry Becca!!

The fact that he felt he had to so sincerely apologize for my behavior....killed me!  I had a glimpse of what it feels like to be on the other end of those kinds of comments.

Girlfriend

Exactly one month into kindergarten.....and we're already at this.

Edee:  Christopher told me I'm his girlfriend.
Me:  He did!?
Edee:  Yeah.

Oh my.

Later at dinner:

Me:  Are you going to tell Daddy what you told me about Christopher?
Edee (with a timid smile):  Well...uh...um.....I....uh....I.....I....uh....um....I don't want to say it.
Daddy:  How come?
Edee:  I don't fink he'll like it berry much.
Daddy:  What won't I like?
Me: Just tell him.  Daddy wants to know too.
Edee:  (more sputtering and stuttering)
Me:  Do you want me to tell him?
Edee:  (nods)
Me: Christopher told her that she was his girlfriend.
Edee:  (shrinking in her seat).
Daddy:  Oh....what did you say?
Edee:  I didn't weally say anything, but I thought, "Hey!  I'm not old enough to be a girlfriend!!"
Daddy:  Oh yeah? That's okay. How come you didn't say it?
Edee:  Because I thought maybe he wouldn't like it or want to be my friend anymore.
Daddy:  That's okay.  It sounds like you're being a good friend.  Thanks for telling me about it.

And it's only just begun.

Too Tired

Me:  Chicken, go take your toys upstairs.  Get your teeth brushed while you're up there.
Chicken: (whiny noises)
Daddy:  Chicken.  Go now.
Chicken:  I'm too tired to go upstairs.
Me:  Okay, since you're too tired you better run some laps up and down the stairs.
Chicken:  OKAY!!!

He jumps up and starts to run up the stairs.

Daddy:  What the what just happened? How did you do that?
Me:  I dunno.  Hey Chicken, on your next lap up,  take your toy with you and put it away.
Chicken:  Okay!!

He zooms off.  The next lap I ask to him to brush his teeth while up there and he complies.

One point parenting.